Thoughts before a funeral

My family and I celebrated Father's day by visiting my grandmother. I'm glad we did as she died two days ago. She slipped quickly from life to death with little discomfort. When I talked to my father he said, "It's all over." Both of his parents died of old age and the process was a hard one for him. It was for all of us. In the end, neither one of them lingered very long at the gate for which we were all very glad.

Grandmother in particular always seemed one of those "spry old ladies." She rode horses, biked across Europe, and was an avid golfer when she was younger. She was a dedicated bird watcher and is the only person I know who had a birdbath that actually attracted birds. My father bought her a heater for it one year so it wouldn't freeze.

She was a vivacious reader and introduced our family to many different books, including Harry Potter. She also enjoyed puzzles and playing the piano. Grandfather bought her a baby grand piano many year ago and it always had music on the stand. I was always amazed at her ability to participate in these activities as she had glaucoma and had to put eye drops multiple times a day to combat it. As I got older she got a desk-mounted, lit magnifying glass for reading. I know she enjoyed a lot of books, but that there were others she didn't like. After reading Dracula by Bram Stoker for a college course I called her, proud to tell her that I had read a classic. She sounded less then trilled at the title. "But Grandma," I said, "It's a classic!" "Just because it's a classic doesn't mean it's any good." I've remembered that and it still makes me smile.

Some of my favorite memories of Grandmother were of playing games. She loved card games, but would play any game that I would bring her. This included trivia, strategy, or even nonsensical games. She would explain the rules and then play a whole game. I don't ever remember quitting in the middle of a game. Granted, I don't remember winning much (or really ever), but that never damped the experience.

Grandmother also loved readying syndicated comics: Calvin and Hobbs, Zits, For better or for worse, and Foxtrot. It was not uncommon for my siblings and I to be curled up in the various chairs with our own volume of laughter. We would often switch with each other when we finished.

As I got older, married, and built my family visits with Grandmother and Grandfather became more about sitting and talking then anything else. While both of my grandparents were educated, informed and highly articulate individuals, Grandmother did much of the talking as Grandfather's hearing wasn't as good. If you ever called the house and Grandfather answered, he would quickly get you in touch with Grandmother, who could hear better and who knew what was going on. Many afternoons were spent visiting with my grandparents and listening to their thoughts. Grandmother was never afraid to share her thoughts, regardless of what you may think of her opinion. This was never done in a crass or belligerent way, but rather in a tactful, matter-of-fact kind of way. She was quick to laugh and always had an easy smile.

She will be missed. We are pleased she went quietly and quickly for as my father said, "She had places to be and people to see." We know who one of those people is. We always suspected that she and my grandfather would not be parted for long. I rejoice in my family and am glad that I will see them again and be able to introduce my children and grandchildren to those who have done so much for me. I love my grandmother. Her name was Barbara Hall Allred.

My sister posted a tribute to Grandmother as well. You can find it here. 

Feelings of a funeral

I attended a funeral yesterday. It was for a great man who was a big part of my life. He was a gentle man - his touch, his smile, his voice, his manner. All who knew him would call him a true gentlemen. He was kind, curious, loving, accepting, gracious, and devoted. He loved his wife more than life itself and even a week before his death at the age of 87 was still running errands for her while she was in a physical rehab center. He showed me that "real men" do the dishes, laundry, garden, plant flowers, watch birds, and play with children.

He was hard of hearing, but was the best listener I have ever known. He would sit quietly with a look of attention on his face and would respond to your story with questions or encouragement. He was a great lover of music and would listen to his wife play the piano with a happy smile. I remember when he bought her a baby grand piano. She was not the only one excited. He never ignored anyone, particularly children. He was trained in elementary education and taught future teachers how to work with children. His love and interest in them was unsurpassed. When ever I came to visit he would ask if my children were with me. and then he would sit and play and talk to them for most of our visit. One of his neighbors related how he referred to the neighbor's children as "his playmates."

He was a large man, standing 6' 4" with large hands. He knew how to work and could do so without dirtying his clothes. He always wore slacks and a button up shirt, regardless of if he was planting flowers or washing dishes. He wrote weekly letters to his sons when they were away. If he missed a week they would call to make sure he was okay. He used an electric typewriter until his last one broke about 10 years ago. He had learned how to type in the navy and could out type every one of his secretaries. He would also rearrange the furniture often - although the piano always stayed where it was.

The funeral was wonderful. Two of his sons spoke. one (the youngest) gave a tribute and shared some fun stories about his life and the many places he had lived and the things he had done. His efforts had been in education and its development in his community. Even though he had done great things, he never bragged or boasted of them. Many of his grandchildren did not know the extent of his achievements until they were told by others. The elder son "had received orders from Dad" before he died that he was to speak on the gospel of Christ that was so beloved by his father. What followed was a wonderful sermon on the love of God, the Atonement of Christ, and the eternal nature of families. He loved his savior very much and I'm sure he was welcomed back with open arms.

He was laid to rest with full military honors, having been a seamen in the US Navy and involved with the occupation of Japan after World War II. While I was sad at during the funeral, I truly mourned and grieved as I watched them fold the flag over his casket. Attention was given to make sure it was folded perfectly before presented to his wife. A salute was fired in his honor and a bugler played taps. I have never heard a song so sweet.

He was a great man, a humble man, and a loving man. My heart is full to have known him. His Name was Elwood Malcom Allred