Bittersweet choices

This was the subject line of an E-mail that I sent out recently to my colleagues at work. It is because, that morning I had made the choice to take a job at another university. It was not a hard choice to make. The compensation would enable me to better support my family and it would help me to grow professionally in ways that I wasn't able to in my current position. The offer was the answer to months of prayers and searches. It was a very easy choice to make. It was also a very bittersweet choice. I'll be leaving some of the best people I've met here. And that saddens me.

I think that there are lots of bittersweet choices that we make. They are the choices that improve our situation but move us away from things we enjoy or love. They do not eliminate opportunities but they do limit them. There have been four times when my wife and I have been separated from each other for extended periods of time:
When I got a new job while she was expecting our oldest child.
When our second child was born and spent three months in a NICU.
When my wife was dealing with some acute medical difficulties.
When she got a job close to our parents while I was still working away from them.

Each of those times saw us apart for six weeks or more. I would drive up to visit on the weekends, but otherwise we could only communicate via technology. All of those choices were easy to make. All of them were necessary to make. The alternative would have been worse for everyone. And all of them were bittersweet.

"Bittersweet" is an informative expression. The choice is pleasant and inciting but with undertones of sadness. From the sense of taste alone, bittersweet flavors tend to be richer or more complex, leading to a more robust sensory experience. I think the same is true of bittersweet choices, they lead to richer and more robust experiences. I am thankful for bittersweet choices because they help me look forward to something new and help me to appreciate what I have.

Birthday Musings

My birthday is this coming week. While at church today Kanga told one of the parishioners (the librarian at her school) that it was my birthday and then ran over and asked me how old I would be. Not wanting to discuss my age in public I replied, "Old enough to be your father." I wish I could claim that answer as my own, but my father has used it for years. It's similar to my grandfather's answer of "just tall enough that my feet reach the ground" when people asked him how tall he was. I don't feel my age too much. But When I look back on my life I realize that I have aged. When I look in the mirror I don't appear to have aged, but that's either luck or shortsightedness on my part. But regardless of how I look I know that I am older.

I don't think that one year to the next tells much. Every year will have similarities to the year before it and so they can blend into each other and look very much like each other until you look back over a longer period and realize that you are decidedly not where you were. I remember my father telling me that I would come to a point when I could look back over the last ten years and think about all that I did over those ten years. Then, he said, you will look forward and think, "I have X number of decades left in my life." and you will think about what you will be able to accomplish based on your past performance. I don't know if I'm at that point yet, but this birthday does mark ten years since I returned from my mission to South-west Russia. For many young men in the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints life is planned up to and including their missions. However, after the mission is a big unknown that is usual summed up in three words: school, marriage, work. Like most, I didn't have much of an idea about any of them.

I thought I had an idea about one of them. I had dated a girl through my first year of college and she had waited for me through my mission. The next step was to get engaged, which we did in about five months. But come to find out I didn't have a clue about it. We ended our engagement finals week of my first semester back. It was a mutual agreement and while there were still things to sort out the breakup was the right decision. I went on dates with many different people after that until I met Angel about ten months after my first engagement ended. This year will be our eighth anniversary and they have been wonderful years.

My schooling was very straight forward, as I already had my major and minor in mind. It was a very easy thing to get my classes and finish my degree. I regret nothing about the degree I hold. I do have to acknowledge that had I done more career planning and exploration I probably would have gone for a degree in management information systems. I'm found through my employment and through additional education opportunities that I tend to do well in tasks that utilize those skills. I've thought of doing a 2nd bachelor's in that area, but nothing concrete yet. I'm still putting together funding to finish the last three classes for my masters degree.

When I returned from my mission I knew I wanted to study history, but really didn't know what I could do with it. I wanted to work in education, but didn't want to teach high school. I'm very grateful for a wife that kept asking me what I wanted to do with my life. Partially through her encouragement and through an opportunity to work as a student advisor I was able to discover student services and identify my future career path. Like many working professions, I may en up changing at some point, but for the being, I've found a good fit for now with some mobility options. In the past ten years I have worked for three (technically four) different universities and in three different kinds of universities. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I've had some good success too.

Now to look forward to the next ten years. I would say, we'll see what's in store, but I know I need to be more proactive than that. I'll see what I can make.